Here We Go Again
by jperroso
Summary: Toby's sucked back into -A's vortex when his emotional past comes back to haunt him. Spencer thinks he's betraying her again. Toby needs Spencer's support, but he's too afraid to speak.
1. Chapter 1

**4x02. Set there.**

Spencer stuck her rejection letter from uPenn in-between books on her bookshelf. Toby promised to be here in a second, and she didn't want to look overly upset about it, even though she was dying inside. She couldn't believe that her dream school rejected her. It's like everything she worked for... all those AP classes... were for nothing.

"Hey. Why didn't you want to come up?" she asked as Toby came up.

"What? _Oh_. I had to deliver a message," he said. He walked over to her and pecked her lips. "You ready to go?"

"Actually," Spencer began as she picked her purse up and placed it on her desk, "I was thinking of bagging school today. Do you want to go grab some breakfast?"

"I can't," Toby automatically lied. "I have to get to a job today."

Spencer immediately caught on that he might be lying about not being able to go.

"I though it started on Monday," Spencer said, questioning him.

"Yeah... but I have to be on site today," he covered up.

To Toby's dismay, his phone started ringing. Perfect timing for -A to call... He had just gotten back on good terms with Spencer, and he didn't need -A making her suspicious that he was betraying her again. He quickly pressed decline and shoved the phone in his pocket, hoping Spencer didn't hear it.

But she did.

"Toby, what's going on?" she asked. "Why don't you want to answer a phone call?"

He was quickly trying to think of something to say as she approached him, but she was obviously getting upset. He didn't want her to think he was betraying her again, because he wasn't. He'd never go back down tha road again.

"What happened to never keeping secrets from each other again?" Spencer asked, feeling hurt & upset that he'd _already_ began keeping secrets from her. She didn't want to go through the drama that they'd been through earlier. She thought everything was going fine, until now. Of course, he starts keeping secrets from her.

"I am_ no__t_ keeping secrets from you," Toby argued, and began to turn around, unable to look her in the eyes. "Let's go, Spencer. You're going to be late to school."

"I don't care! Mona was attacked last night. We followed her out to where she parked the RV. It's gone. And when Mona got into her car, -A or _somebody_ tried to kill her." Spencer told him. He didn't seem surprised at all. "Why does this not sound like breaking news to you?"

"...Because..." Toby said as he tried to think of an excuse. "Because... I have to leave. We'll talk about this later." And with that, he'd already began to exit Spencer's bedroom, and walk down the stairs.

"Will we!?" she called out, annoyed by this.

The car ride to Rosewood High School was long and painful. Toby tried to talk to her, but she always either ignored him or bitterly responded. He tried to kiss her goodbye before she got out of the car, but she turned her head and turned what was meant to be a lip-kiss into a kiss on the cheek.

"Toby's lying to me again," Spencer grumbled to her friends as she slammed her locker shut. Today was definitely not her day. Not only had she found out that uPenn rejected her, but she also discovered that Toby had some secrets that he's refusing to tell her. She knew she'd have to find out by herself if he wouldn't tell her.

"What?" Emily asked, in confusion.

"He's keeping something from me. He's always busy, and whenever he gets this certain phone call, he won't answer it and hides it. He's just been acting so suspicious since we had breakfast at my house two days ago," Spencer said, sighing.

"It's probably not about you, Spence. I was leaving my martial arts lesson and I saw him outside of Radley crying," Aria told her. "Maybe I was just seeing things. There's this hot martial arts teacher named Jake, and god... He's perfect. I don't know what to do. I kissed him..."

"You kissed him!?" Emily asked, shocked. "What did he say?"

"Nothing, really. I left before giving him a chance to say anything," Aria said.

"Wait, hold up... Toby was crying outside of _Radley_?" Spencer asked, eyes widening. "What the hell does he want from Radley? You guys don't think he's connected to the A-Team again, do you? I really don't want to go back through that hell again."

"He wouldn't have made the same mistake twice," Aria said, shaking her head. "And I'm pretty sure that was your Toby at Radley. He had these papers in his hands."

"What if the A-Team gave him a mission to like... kill us or something?" Hanna asked.

"My Toby would never do that!" Spencer said, shaking her head. Then she frowned for a second, realizing that maybe he doesn't love her, and he's a part of that team once again. She whispered, "...or would he...?"

**Sorry it's so short.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Toby.**_

He sat inside his loft, and took a deep breath. He was plain frustrated with the papers in front of him. He could feel the tears coming from his eyes. He didn't _want_ to cry, he just couldn't control it. This transcript in front of him held so much troubling text. If he was already crying now, he knew he'd be pouring out tears when he actually read it.

Slowly, he opened the transcript. He read every word, from start to finish. Every word meant so much to him. He knew he was making Spencer suspicious of him, but he wasn't ready to talk about this, even to her. He needed some time to digest it himself. He could barely hande the pain of it.

As he continued to read, more & more tears began falling out of his eyes. The parts about himself caused him to cry even harder. Reading this was a nightmare. Was this information true? It was a transcript, but -A had their ways of changing the text to manipulate him.

Had his mother really killed herself?

He hated her for leaving this world without a true goodbye, but it didn't matter. He loved her much more. She was his world. They spent so much time together, and he bonded with her better than he did with his father. Everyone in his family now didn't matter to him.

Jenna wasn't the kind of family member you'd want to rely on. His father was always too busy obsessing over Jenna's mother. Jenna's mother hated him, so his father always sided with his stepmom. It was better the way it was when his own blood-relative mother was alive.

He'd do anything to go back in time and save her. Then his father wouldn't have re-married Jenna's demonic mother, and he could still be with his mom. He would be happy with her. He could talk to his mother about everything. Would life be perfect again if Marion Cavanaugh was still alive? Maybe.

Then he wondered if he would have met Spencer if his mother was still alive. He hoped that he would have. Then he felt silly for even wondering about that, becuse there was no way he could go back in time to stop his mother from killing herself. Now he'll never know what would have happened in his life.

All of a sudden...

He realized the worst thing.

Spencer Hastings was all he had left.

She was all he had.

He didn't have anyone else.

That was a saddening thought, but unfortunately, it wasn't the bad part. The bad part was that Spencer was all he had left, and he wasn't treating her amazingly. For all he knew, Spencer might take her life just the way his mother did. This morning, where he lied to her... That could be the last moment he'd ever see her again. He couldn't have it that way.

He couldn't lose her. He felt like he was going to. She was probably terribly upset with him because of what happened this morning, and he needed to fix that. Was he going to let the last amazing thing in his life that he had walk away from him?

No.

No he wasn't.

* * *

_**Spencer.**_

After getting rejected by uPenn (her dream school), school seemed to be just a drag. She used to enjoy some of the stuff she did at school, but now everything just... sucked. It seemed like her whole life was over because she didn't get into the college she wanted to get into. Luckily, Ezra Fitz (awkward... because he's Aria's ex) offered to help her get into a back-up college.

She didn't have a back-up college. Ezra said he'd help her with her essay, and help her find a back-up college. She really owed Ezra one. The rest of the school day, se just kept thinking about Toby's possible second betrayal, and how uPenn rejected her. The universe was definitely not in her favor right now.

After seventh period, Spencer made her way to her locker. She shoved her calculus textbook in. She felt so frustrated with her life. Everything seemed to be perfect for one second, and then it all came crumbling down before she knew it.

"Can we talk?"

That voice was recognizable to her anywhere. It was Toby.

She turned around, still upset with him for the secrets. Right now, she didn't have 100% trust in him.

"Did you come here to play more games?" Spencer snapped, and shut her locker. "I'm getting sick of these games. So why are you here?"

"I had to talk to you about the secrets," he whispered. "I promise you it's nothing."

"I really don't understand this. Did you come here to tell me what the secrets are, or did you come here to tell me you can't tell me?" Spencer asked in annoyance. "I'm just so sick of this."

"Look, I don't know if I'm_ ready_ to talk about it!" Toby said in frustration. "You want me to be honest with you? I am. I'm not ready to talk about it. It's something that's a little personal, and I want to keep it to myself. I need time to process everything about it myself. It doesn't involve you, so you don't need to get involved. Stay out of it."

"I don't want to get in your personal life, but when my trust in you starts fading... I just don't think I can deal with being lied to," she said. "I thought the secrets and the hiding was over. I thought we were always going to tell each other what's on our minds if asked. I wouldn't have asked you if you didn't seem to be hiding something, but now that I asked, I can't trust you until I'm sure."

"After everything we've been through, you don't trust me?"

"Look, I want to trust you. Sometimes I just feel like we're going to go back to that place. I don't want to feel the way I did on our anniversary ever again, but you're making me fear like that night is coming back," Spencer sighed.

"It'll never come back," Toby promised. "I promise you that... I love you. I just... I..."

"You just what?" Spencer asked.

"I'm sorry. I can't do _this_. I can't tell you until I'm ready, and pushing me to tell you isn't going to make this any easier. It's already hard for me, so please just don't make this harder!" Toby nearly started crying. He turned away before he let his emotions get the best of him, and walked back to his truck.

This wasn't what he planned. He thought it would go smoothly. He thought she'd understand.

But she didn't. She didn't trust him anymore. She wanted to say she did, but she _didn't_. She couldn't.

She felt bad that she might be pressuring him too much.

But she didn't feel completely wrong about it. How could she trust him if she didn't know what he was hiding?

What if it was a huge secret?

He said it was personal.

Would he lie?

Did he?


	3. Chapter 3

**_Spencer._**

Honestly, she didn't know how she was feeling right now. It was a mixture of anger, confusion, & sadness. Anger because Toby was keeping secrets from her. Confusion because she didn't know if she could still trust him. Sadness because she didn't want her relationship with him to go downhill and end again. She thought that everything was perfect, and then she gets suspicious and her whole world came crashing down.

"Spencer, where the hell are you going?" Aria demanded to know. "You've been storming off and ignoring my calls. Emily's been trying to reach you for ages! Will you please just sit down and talk out whatever's going on! You're acting like you did before you found out Toby was alive!"

"I don't have to tell you everything," Spencer muttered. "Well, at least that's how Toby feels. He feels like he doesn't need to tell me..."

"Calm down," Aria said, and put her hand down gently on Spencer's shoulder.

"I have to go, Aria," Spencer said, and pushed past her hand. "Thanks for trying whatever this is, but I have somewhere important to be, and I _really_ need to go. I need answers. I need answers that he knows, but he won't tell me!"

"Who knows? Toby?" Aria asked. "Spence! Are you going to Radley? Don't _spy_ on him."

"I'm not spying!" Spencer defended. "Besides, he's giving me no other option. If he won't tell me, then I have to go get answers myself."

She didn't listen to Aria's shouting. She just brushed past her again and drove off to Radley. She wanted answers, and she was determined to get them one way or another. The easy way was Toby just telling her, but he refused. So that resulted in her needing Radley for answers.

"Hi. Sir. Can I see the visitor's list?" Spencer asked.

"I have it," the man responded. "Are you visiting someone here at Radley?"

"No, but I need to see that list, sir," Spencer said. "It's really important."

"I'm sorry, I can't. The purpose of the list is for visitors to sign in to... visit," the man said.

"I just need to know if my boyfriend was here. His name's Toby Cavanaugh," Spencer told him.

"Look, I don't know if it's within Radley's rules," the man said, sighing.

"_Spencer_?" a familiar voice asked. It was Wren.

"Wren! Sir, I know that doctor," Spencer said.

"Dr. Kingston, do you know this woman?" he asked.

"I do," Wren responded, nodding. "James, I can take her from here. I'll help her with whatever she needs instead."

"If you need any assistance, I'll be in room 5A," James said. "I have to check on a patient."

"Alright. Thank you, James," Wren said.

"Wren, I really need to see the visitor's list," Spencer pleaded.

"For what purpose?" Wren asked. "I'm at least considering giving it to you, unlike James. I heard you mention the word... boyfriend."

"Uh..." Spencer felt awkward mentioning 'boyfriend' around him. She knew she had a small fling with Wren not long before she got back together with Toby. They'd kissed after going on something that could be considered a 'date'. "Yeah, I'm looking to see if Toby was here."

"The carpenter?" Wren seemed a little baffled. "I thought Mona was the reason something happened between you and him. So you're with him again?"

Spencer nodded, "I just need to know if he's here."

"He's being sketchy, huh?" Wren asked, chuckling a little. "Checking the list? I can do that for you."

Wren took the list out from under the front desk.

"Ahh, yes. It seems _Toby Cavanaugh_ visited two days ago at 4 PM," Wren told her. "He was seeing Dr. Benjamin Davis. I obviously can't tell you why, because I don't know why. If I did, I'd probably be violating the Radley's privacy code if I told you, so I wouldn't be able to, anyways. If there's anything else I can help you with, I'll try my best to help you out."

Spencer found it funny that Wren was so concerned about making sure he didn't violate Radley's policies, because a little while back while she was in Radley, he told her he went against Radley's policy to authorize CeCe Drake's visitor pass, which was against the rules, too. Since he was helping her, she didn't want to be rude and point that out, despite her terrible mood right now.

"Dr. Benjamin Davis?" Spencer asked, confused. "I know you can't tell me about what he did even if you knew, but can you tell me who Dr. Davis's current patient is? I'm sorry, I'm just wondering."

"Curious girl," Wren said, sweetly smiling at her. "Right now, Dr. Davis doesn't have a patient with him. But if you'd stay here for an extra moment, I can check his past patients. Since we know each other quite well, I guess we could consider ourselves old friends, right? I'd love to help out an old friend, even if it means going against the policies. Just don't speak of this, will you?"

"I wouldn't dare," Spencer promised.

"Good," Wren said, and kept his smile on his face. "One moment, please. I'll need to get Dr. Davis's file. It contains every patient he's ever had. If you know any of these people, they might be the patient he's seeking to know more about. If the carpenter has a close relation to any of Dr. Davis's old patients, he's allowed to get a copy of a transcript."

Spencer nodded in understanding. Wren pulled out Dr. Davis's file, and sat down. He urged for Spencer to come sit down next to him, so she did so. He opened the file, and allowed her to scan through the names.

"Any ringing a bell to you?" Wren asked.

"Mona," Spencer whispered. "He visited Mona on the day we... Uh... the day he told me he went back to Buck's County."

Spencer was about to say the day they had their first time, but she knew better than to say that aloud. Right now, she was more worried about the fact that Toby might be trying to get Mona's transcript. Why would he want Mona's transcript? She hadn't died or anything.

"So he told a lie? Never mind, that's not the point," Wren said, sighing. "Spencer, I find it hard to believe that Toby would want _Mona Vanderwaal_'s transcript. I don't think there's anything he needs on that. Don't you think it would be more likely that he wanted the transcript for his own mother? Look here. Marion Cavanaugh was Dr. Davis's patient. I don't know anything about his mother, but I think that's more likely. All I know is that Marion Cavanaugh is dead."

And then she felt like a total bitch.

What had she done? She had accused Toby of not being trustworthy! She had shoved him away in distrust. The truth was that he wasn't ready to speak about whatever was written on his mother's transcript. He had come here to visit Dr. Davis to get the transcript for his mother. He wasn't coming to get Mona's transcript. She couldn't believe that she thought he was really -A.

Now she needed to confront him. She needed to fix this.

"Wren, thank you so much for your help. This is so helpful, but I screwed something up with Toby, and I need to go fix it," Spencer said. "But thank you so much."

"Anything for you, Miss Hastings," Wren said. "I'm always willing to help an... old friend."

Spencer shot him a thankful smile as she picked up her purse and exited Radley Sanitarium. She entered her car and quickly drove off to the Brew. She sped up the stairs to Toby's loft, and knocked on the door. She needed him to be there.

The door creaked open a little. She was glad to see that he was here.

His eyes were puffy & red. He'd obviously been crying. She really hoped it wasn't because she had yelled at him.

"Toby," Spencer whispered. "Toby, come here."

She pulled him into a loving hug, and held onto him tight. He obviously needed a shoulder to cry on right now.

"Spencer..." Toby began. "No more secrets. I can't lose you, too. You're all I've got left."

"I already know," Spencer said.

"You know that _I_ moved the RV?" Toby asked, looking down at her eyes.

She didn't know that. WHAT?

He moved the RV? She thought it was that he went to Radley.

"Wait... I... Huh? Toby!" She gasped. "That wasn't what- You.. You moved the RV?"

"-A asked for it in exchange for my mother's transcript," Toby sighed. "It's a transcript from the night... the night she killed herself."

She looked at him. She felt sorry for him, but she also was a little confused and upset. Why would he need to move the RV for -A's deal? Wren had clearly stated that since he's in close relation to the person, he can get her transcript.

"Why'd you need -A to get the transcript?" Spencer asked. "I talked to Wren at Radley, and he said that you can get the transcript from the doctor if you're in close relation to them. And you are. You're her son."

"I know!" Toby harshly said. "Look, I'd never do something like this without a reason. I went to Radley to get the transcript myself a long time ago, but my mother's doctor told me that my mother's original transcript was missing, so he couldn't copy it. Then while you and I were having breakfast together, -A told me that they had my mother's transcript. They told me to take the RV and move it. I had to know, okay? Please, just... Don't yell. After I moved the RV, -A returned the transcript to Radley."

"Toby..." Spencer whispered. She wrapped her arms around him. He sniffled a little, still upset.

"Spencer, I know moving the RV was wrong, but I still need to know more about what happened to my mom," Toby said, sighing as he pulled away from the hug.

Spencer rubbed circles around his back and gave him a pity look.

"All the answers are at Radley, Tobes," she told him.

"You'd go back there?" Toby asked, a little surprised.

"If it means getting you some answers, and if it can help, then yes. Definitely yes," Spencer said, nodding.

"Spence, why are you helping me after I moved the RV?" Toby asked, still confused. "I lost the one thing you had over the A-Team."

"Because I love you," Spencer told him, stepping closer. "I want you to be happy. I know moving the RV wasn't the best move, but if finding out more about your mother will make you happy again, then I want to help. I love you so much."

"You don't understand how much I love _you_," Toby whispered. "You're all I have left in my life. I want you to know that you're the most valuable person in my life."

She looked at him sincerely. Their lips got closer and closer. Toby finally pressed his lips against hers, and pulled her into his arms. This girl that he held in his arms was the only girl he'd ever love. She meant more to him than anything.

"Tobes, you know the girls are going to find out what you did with the RV..." Spencer said, frowning a little.

"I know," Toby said, sighing. He continued to hold her in his arms. "Spence, I just don't have the heart to tell them. Emily and I are still close, and I don't want that to be ruined because of this. I don't want Hanna, Aria, and Emily to hate me. You're not going to tell them, right?"

"I won't tell them myself. I think you should do it yourself," Spencer said. "Explain to them why, too. At least this proves that Mona wasn't lying when she said she didn't move the RV. The girls didn't believe her."

"Poor Mona... I made her lose the trust of you girls. She's not as crazy as she seems, you know. She has a brain, and a heart," Toby said. "And I'll tell them eventually. I'm just not ready to talk about my mom to them. I'm not as close to Hanna and Aria as I am to Emily and you."

"When will you tell them?" Spencer asked. "I don't want Mona to not be trusted for no reason, because she didn't move it. They all think she did."

"This is all my fault," Toby said, trying to hold back his tears again. "I'll tell them right after I find out what really happened to her."

"After _we_ find out," Spencer said, and took his hand. She gave it a light squeeze. "Toby, I'm going to be here for you every step of the way. We're going to find out what happened to her together. I won't stop until we know. We better start as quickly as we can, because this is causing a huge rift in our trust towards Mona."

"The sooner we find out, the sooner we can fix this," Toby said, smiling for the first time in a while. "Thank you...for everything."

She smiled at him sweetly and squeezed his hand gently again.

"What are we waiting for?" Spencer asked. "We have to get to Radley as soon as possible."

With that, the healed couple made their way to Radley. They had answers to get. And they were _determined _to get them.


End file.
